The Shiners

THE SHERIFF'S DRUNK
by Charles Jones

Midnight on the highway,
Looking every which-a-way,
Headed for the county line.

Makin' their getaway.
(Guess they went that-a-way.)
Listening for that siren's whine.

They dropped their mash,
They copped their cash,
Haulin' 50 gallons in the trunk.

But they ain't gotta worry,
There's no need to hurry.
The sheriff's drunk.

CHORUS
   And he's got white lightning on the seat,
   Blackjack underneath,
   A holster full of Bristol Cream.

   He's got wine in the rifle rack,
   Another case in the back,
   His ammo is a shot of Jim Beam.

   He throws hisself in the tank,
   But then he pulls rank.
   He just can't keep hisself in.

   Yeah, it oughta be a felony
   The way he's smellin', the
   Sheriff got drunk again.

Yes, and don't come crying
If you're bleeding and dying,
Don't bother callin' 9-1-1.

If you're reportin' misdemeanors,
You've been taken to the cleaners.
You'll just be a-wastin' time, son.

Well some little dicken's
Been stealing your chickens.
Your daughter's run off with a punk.

You better catch him yourself,
Sheriff ain't no help.
The sheriff's drunk.

[ CHORUS ]

The board of deacons
Had a little meeting.
They were talking hellfire come.

The deacon's testifyin'
While the sheriff he's a-cryin'
And swearing off demon rum.

But early Sunday mornin'
Preacher got a warnin'
Better haul yourself oughta your bunk.

The sheriff's in the pulpit,
The deacon's talking bullshit,
And the whole congregation's drunk.

[ CHORUS ]

Yeah, it oughta be a felony
The way he's smellin', the
Sheriff got drunk again.