Drive by Truckers
THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS IS MISSING!

 (NEWS FLASH!!!)

 (scene: the press corps have descended upon the White House, a spokesperson
 begins to speak:)

 “They looked in the White House and Capitol Hill
 They looked everywhere for Buffalo Bill
 We called every scholar, reporter, and genius
 Has anyone seen the President’s penis?”

 “It ain’t in the Congress or Judiciary
 It ain’t in the Smithsonian or that big ole library
 an astronomer claims it was sighted on Venus
 Has anyone seen the President’s penis?”

 (now the entire press corp. erupts in song:)
 “THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS IS MISSING OLE’!!!
 WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW, EVERY NIGHT EVERYDAY
 LORD, WON’T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
 HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS?”

 (at this point, legendary news man Walter Cronkite returns from the moon to
 add his commentary:)
 “Now Presidents have goofed up in all kinds of ways
 in the 80’s we elected one missing his brain
 George Washington caught a cold he couldn’t explain
 and we all know the truth about Thomas Jefferson’s name”

 (suddenly William Randolph Hurst rises from the grave and bellows out in an
 Orson Welles type voice:)
 “Franklin D. Roosevelt wasn’t no square 
 with that raging Woodrow in his wheelchair
 and all the lesbians snickered that Elenor didn’t care
 and John Kennedy’s penis was seen everywhere”

 (once again everyone breaks out in gleeful song:)
 “THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS IS MISSING OLE’!!!
 WE SEARCHED HIGH AND LOW EVERY NIGHT EVERY DAY
 LORD WON’T YOU COME DOWN AND REDEEM US
 HAS ANYONE SEEN THE PRESIDENT’S PENIS?”

 (the scene shifts to Sen. John Glenn, wandering pensively, somewhere in space:)
 “Them outer space people would laugh if they’d seen us
 all this talk about cum-stains and oral coitus
 meanwhile the whole world suffers from hunger and meanness
 but we’re more concerned with the President’s penis”

 THE END?
 lyrics by Patterson Hood (c) 1998 Soul Dump Music